The Black Sheep

In the body of a black sheep.

In the midst of darkness, I only heard voices of rejection, mistrust, discouragement, disgrace. I write it down, and dare to say dear mother, dear father....I hate you with all my being. It was not always like this, I remember. I was a positive child, I loved to clean and draw pictures of my mother. I had the most amazing smile and my mother was proud to call me her daughter. Every birthday of mine was memorable.

But it faded.

Been the responsible child I saved money to buy chocolates and all the things my mother did not want to spoil me with. But it didn't seem that way with my mother because she thought I was getting money from boyfriends and she slapped me.

The so called golden daughter days were over. Nothing I did was right. My Mother asked herself everyday what she did wrong and I felt like the unwanted child for the first time. I built a wall and told myself that I will never succumb to her regrets.

I was in a lecture everyday of my life, a bad day in the kitchen turned into hurtful words, " She doesn't want to cook for us, she says hurtful words in her heart."

I could not ask for permission to go anywhere because I was denied the opportunity. I tried to sneak out and I was bad at it because I was caught and scolded til I'm left with nothing to say and tears trickling down my cheeks. I could not live a normal life anymore.

To make matters worse, I was not the brightest of them all, I had to write over and over again til I got the mathematics right. I did a course I never wanted just to get my parents off my back.

In my dark world, I brought a baby into the world, a baby of a black sheep. I was terrified, scared but I needed someone that can tell me that I'm not a disgrace, an outcast, a pariah state!

Now I have no right of what I want for my baby. She tries so hard to make my baby upright and respectful unlike me but she made me this way.

Signed
Black Sheep